This is, by far, the stupidest time to be shooting film.

I didn’t plan to start again, honest I didn’t. I’d just gotten myself a sigma fp and some nice glass for work. Fine, no, the nice glass was for me. But the sigma was for work. You’re right, no, it wasn’t a necessary upgrade, I could still work but my a6000 was starting to act up, I lost access to an A7rII and video work was slowly creeping in.

However, a friend wanted to borrow my 645 bronica. So I had to test it. It had been sitting in my closet for a good few years, ignored, while film costs went parabolic.

Like everyone else, most of my day involves screens. Work, down time, and then even fun photo with friends time has been infiltrated by screens.

So when I opened the waist level finder and that mirror threw the light up to that glorious ground glass, …. I … wasn’t ready.

It was just a quick test so getting the film back a week later and scanning,…. I wasn’t ready for that either.

I’ve sat with the scans for a week now and I think I get it. Me, I get me, now, maybe.

I’m a switch, you see.

On the one hand, I like having control and knowing what I’m going to get, I like being able to manipulate, to tease and tweak, to get things just how I want it. If that doesn’t work, I’ll take the scenic route that’ll just tire it out so I can brute force it.

On the other hand though, I love being slapped in the face, left stunned, mouth agape, then dumped in the middle of nowhere thinking "brilliant, now what?"

There is freedom in surrender, as much as in limitations. (Foveon shooters know this well 😛 . It’s ok I can say that, I am one. )

Being a switch, both sides need to be taken care of to feel complete. Too much of one or the other is always detrimental.

For me digital is practical. Since I was trying to turn fun stuff into work, I was trying to be practical. As with all things though, "work work" took me down a different route. One where I require supreme command and control. Still super fun but it only fed one side of me.

Personal work though, that’s just pure fun. I’ve waved my white flag and found a way to feed the switch-me and film is a necessary part of the process.

I love that I don’t have total control.

I love that conversation tends to have nothing to do with photography.

Mostly though,….

I love that I don’t even remember taking this shot.

via Flickr